Once upon a time, signal was incredibly niche. Maybe you were able to get a burner number back when it was more readily accessible and then you’d set up your app, maybe you’d have a group chat or three, but mostly individual chats. That era has been long past though, you can easily find yourself in more than a dozen group chats or more, and the app has become daunting. The notion of waking up to a few dozen messages, the overwhelmed nature of any particular chat, especially when a crisis hits, and then each one turns into its own project with its own series of obligations. For people with executive dysfunction, this becomes a particular horror of getting ones’ affairs in order. It is easy to develop decision paralysis from being so overwhelmed. So, in that regards, I am sympathetic.
With that said, of the endless number of group chats I am in, where the size can range anywhere from three to a few hundred, there is a consistent thing I’ve noticed. Easily eighty percent of the chat has not sent a message since I have been apart of it or even since its formation. Maybe they gave some introductions once upon a time, but months later, have simply sat in the group chat idle. There are plenty of group chats I am in where I’m not a regular contributor, maybe I send a few messages once a week or two weeks, but this is something entirely different, as if the group chats were fostering congregations of onlookers, audience members, whose sole purpose in the group chat is to simply observe.
I am not alone in this observation. Some group chats decided to purge those who rarely participated and ended up receiving an intense backlash from people who mostly never talked, never showed up, and didn’t contribute in any way to whatever the group chat was centered on. Other group chats were more diplomatic about their purges and avoided the backlash, yet in either sense, the question still stands.
Why are you in the group chat?
Are you waiting to become a participant? Even after weeks, maybe months of not even contributing remotely?
Are you only interested in when the action heats up that you may jump in? That you’re fine with burdening others to doing the boring work of day to day projects who could absolutely help with any degree of energy you have to offer.
Were you interested in participating, did participate, but now life has moved you into inactivity?
That could be a reason for not physically participating in a group, but even the remote option offers you no avail?
Do you not try to find remote ways to participate? Do you mention that in-person gathering is tough, but you’re willing to do remote legwork if it needs to be done? If it doesn’t need to be done and in-person is all that matters, are you just proactive at least in letting people know your capacity and if you plan to make goals to participate?
Are you just a lurker, reporting back to other groups, and not engaging with the merit of the group itself?
Do you not think these people see the outsized number of the group chat when it comes to the in-person participation and not experience some despair and that your presence may contribute to that?
Why are you in the group chat?
Are you just hoarding all the group chats to keep yourself in the know, but haven’t disclosed this is pretty much the only reason you are in the group chats?
Have you not thought that by being a hoarder of said group chats, that you might pose a security risk if your phone were to be confiscated? Or are you too cocky about it?
Even if you are active in most group chats, how many of them are redundant?
Could you delete some because they’re past their purpose?
What about the group chats in which you may be an active communicator, but not an active contributor?
Why are you still in those? Is there really nothing better to do?
I remember being a short-lived participant in an organizing group chat. It was an important topic, I jumped in, and one morning I woke up to a few dozen messages. This wasn’t new to me, but I was worried about the notifications in conjunction to the specific topic. I unlocked the chat to see that.. people were bullshitting in this project chat. I was not friends with these people, I shared space with these people, and this had seemed like a very intentional group chat.
I directly and kindly made the point, hey, could we keep this chat specific to the project? I don’t mind going off topic here or there, but having an entire discussion with nothing to do about the project in this chat and treating it like a friend group chat is a bit overwhelming and inconsiderate. The texter was immediately upset, asked why I was trying to police them, that they weren’t doing anything wrong. I, again, just said all I did was request we keep off topic chatter to a minimal for this specific group chat, it was not a big request, and it was just to be polite, keep people’s phones from blowing up. That was apparently an unreasonable request, only to these two people (a few dozen in the chat), and they began making weird demands that I should identify myself and why I am in charge. I said I wasn’t, that I was just making a request for myself and I assume others, and that I didn’t actually have to answer to anyone. If this was going to be the standard of the chat, I knew what to expect of its outcomes, and I simply left the chat, which was also apparently infuriating. It is worthy to note, this person was in other group chats I was in, and yet was entirely silent in each of those chats, despite all those were worthy of being conversational in.
This person’s biggest interest was being able to yap without restraint yet never contributed to anything across five different group chats.
Why were they in any of the group chats?
Was it some vague notion of community?
In another group chat, it was a very intentional space. The moment you were done with your work in that group chat, you left. There was a regular routine of people coming and going, strictly for the work in the chat. Except one person, who had finished their role. We thought it would be the more diplomatic choice to ask this person to leave and they crashed out over it, lashing out at everyone who very matter of factly pointed out this was common practice among all participants. This person went so far as to question other people’s organizing experiences before finally caving in, realizing that no one was on their side.
This person sits in at least a dozen other group chats where they don’t participate, they don’t talk, and they don’t show up. They just want to remain plugged in vaguely. Funny enough, they had a falling out in another group chat over what they perceived as operational security concerns. Yet hoarding group chats is not an operational security concern?
All of this is really just to ask you, why are you in the group chat?
Please, reflect. if you’re an active contributor, great. If you are having a lapse of in-person activity, but working remote, great. If you’re just in an inactive period that you’ve proactively communicated to the rest of the chat, great.
If you: don’t talk, don’t contribute, don’t proactively state why you are not available or participating, and you just lurk, you’d be doing yourself a favor (and certainly everyone else) by leaving the group chat.